I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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