iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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