One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
