as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
