She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
