Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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