great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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