We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
