i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
