i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
