I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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