apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
