Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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