Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
