he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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