Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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