were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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