Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
