I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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