I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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