Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
