I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
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Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
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I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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