I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
