All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
