My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I have fence marks all over my body
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
