shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
