rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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