Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
3 2 1 whiskey
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
