i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
