our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
