if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
