she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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