I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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