You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
