i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
