I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
