i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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