i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
