Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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