I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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