He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
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I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
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Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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