I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
