you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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