Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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