You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
