Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I am one with the molecules
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
