we have pet lesbian snakes
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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