Have you finally orgasmed yet?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
