Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
