Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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