i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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