I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
This is classic penis vs brain.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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