Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
