Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
