I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
