you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
