Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
