i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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