sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
