What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Liz is crying about burritos again.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
