he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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